From well known girl-about-town and Adelaide Gourmet Annalou Larsen: Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm an idiot" That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything important. It would be like "Excuse me... oops, never
mind. Didn't see your sign."
It's like before we moved recently, our house was full of boxes and there was a removalist truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and says,"Hey, you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes."
(Here's your sign, idiot)
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up."
(Here's your sign, mate.)
I was watching a show on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing an anti-shark suit. Of course, there's only one way to test it - "Alright Mick, you got that shark suit on?"
"Yeah, it looks good mate."
"Now,they want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."
"Well, all right," says Mick,"but hold my sign will ya, I don't wanna lose it".
Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a garage. The mechanic walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I swear he said,"Tyre go flat mate?"
I couldn't resist."Nope." I said. "I was driving around and those other three bastards just swelled up on me."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and we drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, burns his hand and then says,"Fuck!...that's hot!"
See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive a semi in my early days. One day I misjudged the height of a bridge. The bastard truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local copper shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...ok...no problem. Until he asked, "So...is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said,
"No mate, I'm delivering a bridge."
(And when I've done that I'll pick your sign up for you.)
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?"
"No," I replied, "I left about 10 minutes ago. But I'll be back soon. With your sign."
From Snopes.com "We've seen this humor piece variously attributed to Scott Adams (creator of the cartoon Dilbert), Kurt Vonnegut, Jeff Foxworthy, and George Carlin, another demonstration of the tendency to apply well-known names to items bearing no credit or unfamiliar names. Just as any rumor having to do with soda pop gravitates toward Coca-Cola and fried chicken gossip heads towards KFC, so too is the authorship of any Internet belly-shaker laid at the feet of the persons who are considered the best-known the online humorists of our time.
The real author of the piece is Bill Engvall. Engvall has been performing his "Here's your sign" routine in comedy clubs for many a year, and in 1997 he produced a comedy record of that name. That same year he teamed with singer Travis Tritt on a video entitled "Here’s Your Sign," which featured Tritt's vocals over Engvall's spoken-word comedy. It went on to become the best-selling comedy single of the year and, more impressively, finished No. 3 among all country singles."