« Be afraid...be very, very afraid | Main | Drive your dollar further »
Saturday
Feb112006

You Idiot

231239-271113-thumbnail.jpgFrom well known girl-about-town and Adelaide Gourmet Annalou Larsen: Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm an idiot" That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything important. It would be like "Excuse me... oops, never
mind. Didn't see your sign."

It's like before we moved recently, our house was full of boxes and there was a removalist truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and says,"Hey, you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes."
(Here's your sign, idiot)

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up."
(Here's your sign, mate.)

I was watching a show on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing an anti-shark suit. Of course, there's only one way to test it - "Alright Mick, you got that shark suit on?"
"Yeah, it looks good mate."
"Now,they want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."
"Well, all right," says Mick,"but hold my sign will ya, I don't wanna lose it".

Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a garage. The mechanic walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I swear he said,"Tyre go flat mate?"
I couldn't resist."Nope." I said. "I was driving around and those other three bastards just swelled up on me."
(You idiot)

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and we drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, burns his hand and then says,"Fuck!...that's hot!"
See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive a semi in my early days. One day I misjudged the height of a bridge. The bastard truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local copper shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...ok...no problem. Until he asked, "So...is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said,
"No mate, I'm delivering a bridge."
(And when I've done that I'll pick your sign up for you.)

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?"
"No," I replied, "I left about 10 minutes ago. But I'll be back soon. With your sign."

From Snopes.com "We've seen this humor piece variously attributed to Scott Adams (creator of the cartoon Dilbert), Kurt Vonnegut, Jeff Foxworthy, and George Carlin, another demonstration of the tendency to apply well-known names to items bearing no credit or unfamiliar names. Just as any rumor having to do with soda pop gravitates toward Coca-Cola and fried chicken gossip heads towards KFC, so too is the authorship of any Internet belly-shaker laid at the feet of the persons who are considered the best-known the online humorists of our time.

The real author of the piece is Bill Engvall. Engvall has been performing his "Here's your sign" routine in comedy clubs for many a year, and in 1997 he produced a comedy record of that name. That same year he teamed with singer Travis Tritt on a video entitled "Here’s Your Sign," which featured Tritt's vocals over Engvall's spoken-word comedy. It went on to become the best-selling comedy single of the year and, more impressively, finished No. 3 among all country singles."

Reader Comments (8)

I know how you feel Lou. I speared a nice Kingfish off Mona Vale once but a large Bronze Whaler thought he needed it more than I did.

When we got back to the boat ramp I pulled the remaining 2' of it (complete with cresent shaped bite and a few gizzards hanging out).

Sho' nuff, some wanker came over and said, "Hey mate, did a shark eat your fish???"

No you fuckwit, I was trying out my new false teeth.

Here's your sign..........
February 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle Pervy
ahahahahhaaaa

absolute gold.

At my first job a client asked the other graphic designer if we could change the black & white photo she'd supplied us with into a colour photo.

Sure, because we're magical pixies! Here's your sign, lady.

; )
February 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSouthernBelle
Fucking brilliant, Lulu...
Best read I've had since my last piece was published.
I'll have to think hard before making a submission, as I seem to be an idiot-magnet these days.
I hate the phrase but that was gold, baby...
February 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfingers
Yes yes, there are many aren't there. I sprained my ankle badly last year and came in to work in a support brace and on crutches. My boss passes me in the hall and says "Hurt your ankle did you?"

aaahhh.
February 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
Most of these also fit into the category of Captain Obvious... but yeah I didn't realise there were so many morons in the wrld until I started working full-time!

; )
February 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSouthernBelle
thats actually a US comedian who started the sign thing... do i sense a wee bit o plagarism here?
February 13, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermex the girl
No plagiarism intended mex. Already discussed this with fingers. Annalou submitted, I "Australianised" it. Waiting for her to log on and say "Hey...I didn'"t write that - just found it" Like she ALWAYS does. See above.
February 13, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSouthern Belle

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Post:
 
All HTML will be escaped. Hyperlinks will be created for URLs automatically.