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I'm into spiders. Don't mind them at all. I have five house-trained huntsmen. Each about the size of a man's hand. No, they don't have names but I can tell them apart. Do they do tricks you say. Funny you should ask that.

The other day I was bored and a bit lonely and found myself talking to the spiders. Yes I know some people describe this as the onset of the D.T.s - Delirium Tremens from too much imbibing but it wasn't that. I've been off the sherbet for awhile. Well not totally off. Still have the occasional Redback and the odd glass of Chablis.

So I'm talking to my eight-legged mates and decided I'd give them a bit of a treat. Take them on a trip. Well not all of them. Three of them went on a trip and the other two stayed at home and had a natter over coffee and fruitcake.

See, I was reading this old NASA report I found on the Net of an experiment they ran with the affects of different drugs on arachnoids. Yeah sounds NAF, doesn't it? But it was kosher. NASA got a bunch of spiders together in a bar and spiked their drinks. Then observed their behaviour while they were wigged out on the web. Look at this.
straight spider This is the (unfinished)web of a straight spider. Reminiscent of a cat's cradle, isn't it?

Now look at the next one - the web of a stoner spider - a spider high on marihuana.
stoner spider web Look at the sloppy job it's made. It's got half-way, realised it's too out of it to continue and gone back for another bong.

The LSD affected spider has it more together.
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds It's taken Timothy Leary's advice and turned on, tuned in and dropped out. It's made it's web and is now just floating downstream hallucinating off its little brain seeing spiders covered in people.

Mescaline spider is on a similar trip. Look at that web.
peyote spider It's not finished. That's because this cat has gone out into the desert to wander amongst the cacti waiting for some Mayan to pick a peyote button. Then he's gonna pop out and scare the bejesus out of him.

The last web is the most interesting. What drug? Eccie? Heroin? Ice? Horse tranquiliser? What dope is this spider on to produce a web like this? Must be a hell of a powerful drug that spins this web.
Call that a web? Caffeine, brothers and sisters. This is what coffee does to a spider. Just think what it's doing to you.