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Oh what wicked webs we weave when first we.....

Spiders on Drugs

I'm into spiders. Don't mind them at all. I have five house-trained huntsmen. Each about the size of a man's hand. No, they don't have names but I can tell them apart. Do they do tricks you say. Funny you should ask that.

The other day I was bored and a bit lonely and found myself talking to the spiders. Yes I know some people describe this as the onset of the D.T.s - Delirium Tremens from too much imbibing but it wasn't that. I've been off the sherbet for awhile. Well not totally off. Still have the occasional Redback and the odd glass of Chablis.

So I'm talking to my eight-legged mates and decided I'd give them a bit of a treat. Take them on a trip. Well not all of them. Three of them went on a trip and the other two stayed at home and had a natter over coffee and fruitcake.

See, I was reading this old NASA report I found on the Net of an experiment they ran with the affects of different drugs on arachnoids. Yeah sounds NAF, doesn't it? But it was kosher. NASA got a bunch of spiders together in a bar and spiked their drinks. Then observed their behaviour while they were wigged out on the web. Look at this.231239-259972-thumbnail.jpg
straight spider
This is the (unfinished)web of a straight spider. Reminiscent of a cat's cradle, isn't it?

Now look at the next one - the web of a stoner spider - a spider high on marihuana.231239-259975-thumbnail.jpg
stoner spider web
Look at the sloppy job it's made. It's got half-way, realised it's too out of it to continue and gone back for another bong.

The LSD affected spider has it more together.231239-259980-thumbnail.jpg
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
It's taken Timothy Leary's advice and turned on, tuned in and dropped out. It's made it's web and is now just floating downstream hallucinating off its little brain seeing spiders covered in people.

Mescaline spider is on a similar trip. Look at that web.231239-259982-thumbnail.jpg
peyote spider
It's not finished. That's because this cat has gone out into the desert to wander amongst the cacti waiting for some Mayan to pick a peyote button. Then he's gonna pop out and scare the bejesus out of him.

The last web is the most interesting. What drug? Eccie? Heroin? Ice? Horse tranquiliser? What dope is this spider on to produce a web like this? Must be a hell of a powerful drug that spins this web. 231239-259984-thumbnail.jpg
Call that a web?
Caffeine, brothers and sisters. This is what coffee does to a spider. Just think what it's doing to you.

Oh yeah...check out this wildly popular video Spiders On Drugs - it's had over 17 Million hits. The story behind it is here at My Wild Million Hit Ride on YouTube

Reader Comments (141)

Nice one Mal. Does this mean I am going to have to take up LSD?

I'm playing here today so as not to get fired.
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Good Idea
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
Malkie, Bozo!! Love it. I've always thought it a term of endearment. But perhaps that's just because my father used to call me that all the time and I was too thick to see that he thought I was actually a clown!
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
yep, I'm with you guys.

and we all care, WCS....
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWJ
Just don't ask what we actually care aboot...
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRob Byrnes
Wow - Not enough to be interesting - Fingers, Lambe et al are all over in the other post laughing at the three of us and the rivetting conversation we're having!
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
Not much where I am concerened, right Rob? ;-)
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Awwww - Now that's just blatantly untrue.

I finally got my first issue of Empire magazine last night. This was a subscription I was bought for christmas. Was so excited I read ity cover to cover last night.
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
WCS I am merely surprised that all you ladies haven't flocked to the Radar cover story.
It's aboot knitting and shit.
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRob Byrnes
Okay - topic for the day:

Which of the Oscar nominated films have you seen:

Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Crash, Good Night, and Good Luck, Munich

January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
good night and good luck. really interesting and well made. I really liked it!
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWJ
Brokeback Mountain - really well done, and Heath gives an excellent performance. Very melancholy though.

Crash - saw it on a plane but it was riveting. Worth a watch.
January 31, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Fuck that...go see 'The Aristocrats'.
You'll wet yourselves.
Ooooh, can I say 'wet yourselves' or will you all have to go play on another thread ??
I bet they'll have to call the riot police on you lot tomorrow night after you get finished earing up The Shithouse...
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfingers
Fuck off fingers, we don't all work in an environment where sexual positions on your monitor are acceptable. I get that the trading floor is blokey and macho and about who has the biggest dick, but where I work - not so much. There, you got a rise. Happy?

I've heard the Aristocrats is screamingly funny.
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
None of the above, I can't sit still for that length of time without getting fidgety also generally don't have the time to spare.
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRob Byrnes
Ah fingers - I actually wouldn't mind seeing the Aristocrats, looks quite good.

Unfortunately, I tend to wait for most movies to come out on DVD - Unless of course it's something I'v ebeen anticipating for a while.

Unfortunately, the modern cinema experience is not to my taste. Ticket price, snack costs - and the fact that almost every time I sit through the movie grinding my teeth cause some useless turd is talking or answering a mobile or being a general dick head. I'm too aware of my own temper to actually say anything so I stay quiet and don't enjoy the movie. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought most people went to the Cinema to actually enjoy the movie.
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
I know you heard it was funny, PMS.
You heard it from me...just now, you big dork.
And FYI...there are no trading floors left, dopey bollocks. It's all screen traded these days.
And...anyway...I'm in the money market, not the futures market.
So, lick me...
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfingers
I fucking hate cinema's Uncle B, the need to move your feet every 5 mins or so to prevent them from being superglued to the manky floor seriously disgusts me!!
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRob Byrnes
Actually fingers, since it has been out in North America for some time, I've heard from friends there how funny it is.

And I'd lick you, but I'd rather not ingest all that bullshit.
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Then don't swallow, Bagpipe Breath...
February 1, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfingers

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