Nazi Party Animals

"you will party!!!"
Wednesday September 14

A Gold Coast entrepreneur once asked my advice on promoting his nightclub. He wanted a new theme – something completely different...really wild...something people will talk about.

Joking I suggested a Last Days in the Bunker Concept – a 40’s Mercedes Benz staff-car parked by the front door...searchlights set up outside sweeping the sky...doormen with dobermans...wailing air-raid staff in tight black leather pseudo-Nazi SS uniforms...a Marlene Dietrich lookalike singing...dripping water...smoke...sounds of bombs dropping...a Volkswagen Kubelwagen set up as a bar... 

Of course he didn’t go for it - thought he’d cop too much flak. But it seems I might have been on to something according to a report this week from Italy via the English Guardian newspaper

Had the Nazis won the war, they planned to open a big, flash nightclub in Berlin.

It’ll be the most beautiful, the most modern, the most elegant in Europe” according to the then Italian Consul, Giuseppe Renzetti. “The project is said to have met with the ardent approval of the Führer.”

Renzetti’s report has been lying unread in archives for 65 years and was published this week in the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera. 

According to him, by 1940 the Nazis were preparing their capital for the tourist boom they expected would follow victory. (Welcome to Naziland).

Renzetti reported “ a manager has already been found for the nightclub and that it had been decided to restrict entry to foreigners, the diplomatic corps and the members of Berlin (high) society.”

The report was dated July 23 1940. And it seems Renzetti was close to the Nazi hierarchy and very well-informed. Goebbels wrote that Renzetti could almost be seen as a Nazi. To compile his report the diplomat interviewed top officials including the SS leader, Heinrich Himmler.

Did Herr Hitler Like to Dance?

While we're at it...let's clear up a bit of Allied Anti-Nazi Propaganda concerning Hitler. In June 1940 he accepted the surrender of the French government at a ceremony in Compiegne, France. He insisted on further humiliating the French by receiving their surrender in the same railroad car in which Germany had signed the 1918 Armistice ending World War One. After the papers had been signed, Hitler stepped back slightly, as if in shock. But this is not what Allied audiences saw in the movie-reels at the cinema. What they saw was Hitler dancing a bizarre little jig after signing the documents - Allied Propagandists had simply looped the footage of Hitler's step backwards so that it looked like he were dancing. The film clip served its purpose, which was to ridicule the Nazi leader.

Still and all...what do you reckon they would have called the new nightclub had it got up? Club Nazi? Hitlers Hideout? Blitzkreig?



Just Say "NON"

Friday September 2, 2005

click on shocking image
From a story running on Adland site at 

The Hollywood life of sex and drugs isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. O.K. now that I’ve managed to work Hollywood and crack into my copy we can move on.

This is a poster for the new French shock/horror magazine Choc.

It shows mug shots taken over ten years of a 39 year old hooker/drug addict Roseanne Holland of Tinseltown, California.

The pics are arrest booking photographs from the Hollywood Police Department and as such are public record.

These photos have been kicking around for at least the last four years. They were used in a poster campaign by the British last year. And now the French are using them to flog magazines.

The photographs speak for themselves really.

C’est la vie. Or not, as it happens.

See the original 10 arrest photographs (from 29-yrs to 39-yrs) here:

And for bigger pictures go here:

Postscript: From the Police Webmaster -  The Hollywood Police Department has received numerous inquiries and comments from around the world concerning the woman in the above photographs. The last photograph in this series was taken over 12 years ago. As of this date (09/21/2001), the woman would be 56 years old. The woman's last recorded local arrest was in 1ç89. While we do not know of her current fate, the Hollywood Police Department hopes that she has found better fortune during the past 12 years. 


Indian Skywalk - with some reservations

don't look down
Thursday September 1

An American Indian tribe with land along the Grand Canyon is planning to build a glass-bottomed walkway,  jutting 70 feet (21.3M) out from the canyons edge and 4,000 feet (1219M) up from the canyon floor. Wooaw! With a glass-bottomed floor you say? I'll have some of that.

The horseshoe-shaped skywalk, expected to open next January, is part of the Hualapai Tribe's effort to turn 1,000 acres of reservation land into a tourist trap...ah...destination. It will also feature an Indian village and Western-themed town. (And no doubt gunfights and the rest.)

The tribe's reservation is 200 miles (322k) by road to the west of the Grand Canyon National Park that most tourists visit. (How we gonna get more rednecks Chief?  I know...what about a glass-bottomed skywalk?!)

The walkway will be supported by steel beams and can hold 120 people (God willing). Although it's designed to take 72 million pounds ( 32.5 million kilos), said Sheri Yellowhawk, Big Chief Executive Officer of the Grand Canyon Resort Corporation - the tribal-owned company overseeing the project.

Admission will be $25.

The project is still seeking an insurer.

This is exakery what we need for the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. Whadya reckon? The aborigines could claim Native Title to the Three Sisters (or do they have it already?) and whack up one of these see-through skywalk thingies. There could be a Blacks Camp, boomerang-throwing, bushrangers and everything. It'd be great! The Japs would love it. Think I'll draft a letter to the Premier of New South Whales right now. Dear Whatever-your-name-is (something wog, I think), I have a terrific idea to boost tourism numbers to the Blue Mountains National Park....


Stroke of Bad Luck for Subway Rider

Sunday August 28, Paris. From our New York Correspondent (Actually I nicked it from boingboing)

Subway Hold-Up
Subway Hold-Up
Usually I don't do a stroke of work around here on the weekend. But something came up and I feel I need to tell you about is as a public service.

Normally I don't take stories from other blogs but I have to make an exception here. It's too big. I found the story on today's   So maybe you've already seen it.  (There's also a truly great piece on Japanese Porn  Products. See " Vag-in-a-Can".)

A 22 year old New York City girl was riding the Manhattan Subway last week when a middle-aged, blond-haired bloke dressed in black shirt and jeans sat down opposite her. She noticed he was staring hard but she tried to ignore him. The next thing she knew Blondie has begun to stroke himself and then....

Yeah he pulled it out and spanked the monkey. 

But Wait! There's more....

Our intrepid nonplussed lass, pulled her cameraphone out and snapped off a shot of the wanker.

And then....

She gave a copy to the cops, didn't she.

And not content with that...

She decided to go one step she...

Posted Blondie's photo on Flickr and Craigslist websites and bloggers began linking to her site.

By last night 45,000 people had seen the piccie. What a gal! 

It's not over yet folks!

Pretty soon it made the Front Page of the Daily News.

Hold the Front Page!
Hold the Front Page!
 I think our blond friend has been well and truly outed, don't you?


A Bunch of Homos

blonde zoo.jpgthey're a bit like humans
they're a bit like humans

Friday August 26

News from across la Manche -  a flock of Homo Sapiens is installed today on the world-famous Bear Mountain (never heard of it, myself) at the London Zoo. They are presented in what the zoo likes to call "fig leaves" but which to my eyes look more like a first year dressmaker's attempt at a new line in ecologically-friendly swimwear. See details here -,94,EV.html

The Press Release (don't you just love them) says over four days  the "animals" will be cared for by the Zoo's keepers and "kept entertained through various forms of enrichment".

Woaw! I gotta see this. This must be like Dogging which apparently is all the rage in the U.K. (strangers meet on the internet, arrange a public place (a park, a field, a zoo, etc)  to have sex while other net buddies look on). See

The Zoo goes on to say "The four day event aims to demonstrate the basic nature of man as an animal and examine the impact that Homo Sapiens have on the rest of the animal kingdom."

 Huh? What the hell does that mean in plain Engrish, I wonder?

Which Homo do you fancy? I quite like the blond one making the grunting sounds and playing with her faeces.


Oh...and a K.B. for the Young Bloke

You've got to hand it to the Japanese. If there's one word that describes them best it's gotta be innovative.

How's this? The clever Japanese have come up with a children's soft drink designed to look exactly like beer. It's called Kid's Beer (kodomo biiru in Japanese), a non-alcoholic drink which contains guarana and tastes like cola. It's sold in brown glass bottles and has a frothy, lager-like head when poured. More details here -  

Isn't that great? Now kids won't feel left out when Mum and Dad are on the Turps.

The labels, which depict cartoon characters, carry the slogan

"Even kids can't stand life unless they have a drink".

 So true, So true.

One advertisement says

"For those of you who can't drink, this has a bubbly head that'll you'll like and a fizzy flavour that spreads refreshment through your body - it's perfect for those evenings when you want to be a bit like an adult."

Great copy eh? Although I would have added "And isn't that all the time?"

The legal drinking age in Japan is 20 so this Kids Beer is filling a niche market. It sells 75,000 bottles a month and is available in 150 restaurants across Japan. Soon it will be available in Europe and the U.K.

I can't wait to get my young bloke started on it. Might see if I can get some KidsFags for him as well.



Dopey Dodi & Ditzy Diana immortalised (again)

dumb & dumber
dumb & dumber
dead ducks
dead ducks

Thursday August 25

There's a report in this morning's Metro newspaper - the free rag they give out at the entrance to the Metro stations here - that Mohammed al-Fayed will soon erect a bronze sculpture of DooDoo and DeeDee in his shop Harrods  ("Lady Di et Dodi chez Harrod's "(sic)).

He already has a shrine of sorts in the department store with photos of the lovebirds surrounded by cast seagulls. But this is the Real McCoy. He's gone for the big-bird look. In this  one the couple are depicted holding hands and gazing into each others eyes under the wings of an Albatross. An Albatross? Wouldn't a Dodo be more in Dead as a Dodo? According to this report, the Albatross represents eternity and good fortune.  Pity they didn't have one in the car with them, then.

DeeDee is shown wearing a décolletée top and DooDoo is baring his chest-pubes.  (She's saying "Do you think we'll make it?"  And he's replying "Of course Darling...we're in a Mercedes - the safest car in the world." 

 Sorry, I'm being insensitive. What she's really saying is  "I feel like a bit of a dill playing statues under this bird, don't you?" and he says "Never mind Squidgey - it'll soon be over.")

The title of the statue is given as Innocent (fashion)Victims.

The couple came to grief nearly eight years ago (31 August 1997) in the underpass near Pont de l'Alma across the river from La Tour Eiffel. I can't drive past without thinking about what went down there. Some say the Benz slammed into the 13th column - probably just more of the myth surrounding the tragedy. Will it ever end?


What a Load of Crap!

Oh my God!
no shit!
no shit!

Thursday August 25

You may know that Paris has a big problem with doggy-doo on its streets. The Town Hall has tried and tried to address this problem. They've had poster campaigns pleading with people to 'ramasser' - to pick up their dog-shit. Didn't work. They've supplied plastic bags in strategic locations. Didn't work. They've threatened to fine people (€50 I think) for letting their pooches prop anywhere. Didn't work. For awhile they even had blokes on motorbikes with built-in vacuum cleaners on the back whizzing around Paris and sucking the stuff up.  Didn't work - the bikies got the shits and pissed off.

Well if you think Paris has a dog poo problem, what about Hungary? Budapest has just launched a Million dollar campaign to clean-up the streets of dog caca. They have the biggest dog population in Europe - an estimated 400,000 mutts leaving 14,600 tonnes of crap yearly on the streets and parks. That's a lot of crap!

 Now I just need to find some shit to illustrate this story. Hang about.


Late Dates in Dubai

the palm
the palm Jumeirah
Monday August 22

" well positioned to become a leading destination for business and pleasure"

Yeah right. Or if you forget the marketing hype from the Palm Jumeirah developers website and read between the lines you'll perhaps be thinking that this so-called palm-shaped island at Dubai, United Arab Emirates is destined to be "well positioned to become a complete bloody nightmare" if you choose to live there. And is it just me or does this thing look more like a bloody great tarantula-on-steroids or something? Check it out. Click on the bastard.

Palm Jumeirah is the first of three artificial islands being built in the Gulf by Nakheel, the property development company owned by Dubai's government. Scheduled for completion in 2008 and visible from space, it's a pretty impressive piece of dredging and filling. Housing (at least) 4,500 villas and apartments. Some say possibly double that number by the time it's finished.

Nakheel has been busy flogging real-estate to the well-heeled (and tasteless) like David Frigging Beckham and other dopes with too much money and not a lot of style. In fact it's a sell-out with 25% of it going to the Brits. They've been throwing money at it like a gang of bankers at a lap-dance club. But unlike the lappie, you don't end up frustrated and broke at this club. If you'd bought an apartment three years ago at £90 a square foot you could sell now at £225 a square foot. The queue forms to the right. Units have been sold and resold four or five times and things are not even due for completion until 2008.  A bull market or what?

Infrastructure did you say?  Medical facilities? Fire Station? Power? Water? Cable? Access?  Um...Can we change the subject?

All is not what it seems in the land of the date.  The developers claims of  "whatever your dreams, they will be fulfilled at this graceful and tranquil destination" may turn into a complete and utter cauchemar  for the residents of Palm Jumeirah.

Ah...hang on guys...forget about the other stuff...has anyone thought about how we're going to get the punters in and out of this wet-dream?

There'll be an estimated 150,000 heads in apartments, villas and hotels plus the help coming and going down that trunk - the only access road joining the celebrated Sheikh Ya Booty...ah hang on...that should read Sheikh Zayed Road - Dubai's main highway where traffic moves at a snails pace. They say it already takes a good hour and a half to get into town. On Palm Jumeirah itself there are 18 potential bottlenecks where the palmfronds join the trunk. Granted, there are 5 lanes in each direction along that trunk but it all feeds into Shake Ya Buti. And another thing - there are another proposed 100 residential towers housing up to 40,000 people to be built behind the Sheikh highway at the head of the palm.

Never mind. I'm sure they'll work something out. They'll have to. The United Arab Emirates projections for hotel guests alone in five years time is 15 Million. That's a lot of dates - a lot of bums on car seats drumming their fingers on the steering wheel. Poor Posh and Becks. My heart bleeds for them.



Hunter's Final Shot

Illustration Ralph Steadman
Illustration Ralph Steadman
...going out with a bang

Celebrated Gonzo journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, was fired from a cannon at his Rocky Mountain (Colorado) ranch at Sunset yesterday, Saturday August 20. Or at least his ashes were. The writer blew himself away with a .45 handgun bullet to the head in the kitchen of his house six months ago, after suffering cancer and depression. No doubt compounded by his addiction to drugs and alcohol. 

Johnny Depp, who starred in the 1998 film of Hunter's "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", spent about  $1 Million on the construction of a 153ft high gun - slightly taller than the Statue of Liberty. It's was built on Thompsons "shooting range" where Hunter S. liked to fire his .44 Magnum into an old television set. The cannon ends in a double-thumbed fibreglass fist with a dagger and a peyote button attached.  An eclectic mix of 300 or so of his friends  farewelled the Gonzo over "the clinking of ice and whisky" as specified in his will. There are no latest reports yet as guests were sworn to secrecy. See  Saturday's English Telegraph story here:

Why am I telling you this? Because I met the man. Albeit only briefly and in weird…or should I say wired circumstances.

In the late Seventies I had a contract to paint a weatherboard house at Whale Beach, Sydney. I didn’t know it at the time but the owner turned out to be a notorious drug-dealer and Gambler by the name of Jimmy Sweetnam (see Bob Bottoms books on Australian Crime Figures).

It was seven or so on a summer morning when I set up my gear and turned the orbital sander on to roughen-up the old paint on the side of the house. It made a hell of a racket, I can tell you. And pretty soon a window opened and this seedy-looking face peered out - Jimmy’s houseguest – none other than Dr Hunter S. Thompson, I was soon to discover. Seems he and Sweetnam had been up all night "on the hoover” and had only just gone to bed when the whole house started to vibrate with the action of the orbital sander. Sweetnam came out as well to see what the hell was going on. Looking equally as trashed as Hunter S.

The surf at the Wedge that day was huge so I offered to pack it in and come back the next morning. Jimmy was grateful and offered me a serve of his “excellent nose candy” that I like to think had been smuggled in to the country by Hunter S. himself. But his hands were shaking so much he dumped the whole lot on the kitchen floor. Probably just as well. The surf was going off and I had a memorable session that I still think about.

Page 1 2 3