Wednesday
Nov282007

Tattoos - 15 Ways of WRONG

Tattoo Designs

- Just When You Thought it Safe To Go Back To The Tattoo Parlour...Along Comes...

Have a look at this collection of wronguns. Some are truly badass, some are funny and some are just plain sad. Click on the thumbnails to enlarge.
  • 231239-1180627-thumbnail.jpg
    James Brown Tattoo?
    Knocking on Heaven's Door - it's a beauty isn't it?


  • 231239-1180659-thumbnail.jpg
    Michael Jackson loves kids
    Great idea huh? Wish I had one like this. On the leg too.


  • 231239-1180673-thumbnail.jpg
    Suit & Tie
    This is a really good corporate look don't you think?


  • 231239-1180679-thumbnail.jpg
    The worst tattoo ever?
    Oh I don't know...I find it quite charming.


  • tattoo5.jpgthe skull tattoo.

  • 231239-1180692-thumbnail.jpg
    Bikini Girl Tattoo
    She's a glamour isn't she?


  • 231239-1180723-thumbnail.jpg
    Tattooed baby
    "They said no smoking and no drinking - nothing about no tattooing".

  • 231239-1180734-thumbnail.jpg
    "F**k the Systsem"
    I'll spell it anyway I like.


  • 231239-1180742-thumbnail.jpg
    Rolex Tattoo
    A timeless design.


  • 231239-1180749-thumbnail.jpg
    Levi backpocket tattoo
    Wallet-bulge to come.


  • 231239-1180756-thumbnail.jpg
    Butt Tattoo
    One of our dwarves is missing.


  • 231239-1180812-thumbnail.jpg
    Fight tattoo
    "I wanna look like I've been dragged behind a car for a hundred yards".

  • 231239-1180820-thumbnail.jpg
    Scribble tattoo
    Never fall asleep leaving your kid alone with a tattoo gun.


  • 231239-1180822-thumbnail.jpg
    Tattoo under the microscope
    Just what you want downunder isn't it.


  • 231239-1180826-thumbnail.jpg
    Two-faced tattoo
    Watch your back.

  • Tattoo Me Now!

    Do you have a tattoo or are you thinking of getting one? Will it hurt? Check out the Tattoo-Pain-O-Meter.

    Pain-o-meter.jpg

    • Annoying pinpricks

    ** Repeated cat scratches

    *** From deep paper cuts to small blowtorch

    **** Bring a piece of leather to gnaw on

    ***** Crying or passing out is not only accepted, it's expected in the parlour.


    Still fancy a tattoo? No worries. Ouch!

    You don't have to go completely ape like this old guy has. You could settle for something like this celtic design on the right -

    Here's some more beauties - The Italian text on the left says "The Winner of the Prestigious Prize: Ruined for Life" - no idea what it means. Do you think he trims it into a Brazilian? Below, another idiot. On the bottom, Belly-button skater. Very classy look.

    Less we forget -

    And the latest - Chicken wings on a chicks back - WTF. Apparently they're red because her drunken-assed boyfriend was trying to eat them?

    Tuesday
    Sep252007

    Dress Up Jennifer Lopez

    231239-1051955-thumbnail.jpg
    Undress J Lo
    Dress Up or Undress J Lo Apparently there's a whole industry out there devoted to Dress Up. And some of these sites are pretty good for crazy dress-up stuff.

    Over at dress up games they have a selection of punk, gothic, lolita, emo, rock, cartoon dolls, dress up games and dollmakers. I followed a link there to Emo vs Punk Dress Up from deviantART.231239-1051973-thumbnail.jpg
    emo vs punk dress up

    Or you could dress up the stars. Jennifer Lopez is a favourite player in that genre. Not all these sites are targeted to little girls though. This one for instance, not only lets you dress up J Lo but undress her as well. Well naughty. There's also a link there to a celebrity toon sex game. Whatever does it for you I guess. But you can't go past playing dress-ups with Paris Hilton in jail231239-1051961-thumbnail.jpg
    Dress Paris in Jail
    And when you're sick of dressing and undressing dopey celebrities you can always go across to this site and warp your favourite celebrities. Look what I've done with Angelina Jolie - 231239-1051964-thumbnail.jpg
    Angelina Jolie with herpes
    Have a go at warping the stars and send me the results to post here.

    Monday
    Feb132006

    Unbearable Heat

    231239-271176-thumbnail.jpg
    click to blow up bear
    231239-271180-thumbnail.jpgAfter four days of 40°+ heatwave in Adelaide, Australia. Thanks Lou for the pics.

    Monday
    Jan302006

    Oh what wicked webs we weave.....

    FlatBWCaffeinatedSpider.jpg231239-259650-thumbnail.jpg
    Just say "No".
    Check this out. This is what happens to a spider when you spike its drink. "A method of determining the toxicities of chemicals involves recording and analysis of spider web patterns. The method is based on the observation that spiders exposed to various chemicals spin webs that differ, in various ways, from their normal web. The changes in the web reflect the degree of toxicity of a substance. The more toxic the chemical the more deformed a web looks in comparison to a normal web. In as much as the shape of a spider web resembles that of a crystal lattice in some respects, techniques of crystallography are applied to obtain several quantitative measures of toxicity as manifested in the differences between photographs of webs spun under toxic and normal conditions."

    Look what a few cups of Java do to a tarantula. Here's a link to better photos Web photos on the Web More webs of intrique here - arachnophiliac.co.uk the "source" but I originally found this story at one of my favourite blogs the excellent istanbullblog.blogspot.com Read the story on "The Exorcist Tour" - "American troops in Iraq have launched what has been dubbed "The Exorcist Experience", after discovering that the ancient ruins they were guarding provided the location for the 1973 horror classic's opening sequence." Cool blog.

    Tuesday
    Jan172006

    Another Load of Shite

    fiers1-9-2s.jpgI've just been on Google trying to find the artist who was mounting and framing his own shit (sprayed in clear epoxy) and selling it as Art. No luck. But I ran across this. Which is maybe even weirder. There's no date on it. Maybe you can tell me.

    Cloaca, the latest work by the Belgian conceptualist Wim Delvoye (b. 1965), has just closed out its run at the Museum of Contemporary Art (MuHKA) in Antwerp. It was a room-sized installation of six glass containers connected to each other with wires, tubes and pumps. Every day, the machine received a certain amount of food.
    Meat, fish, vegetables and pastries passed through a giant blender, were mixed with water, and poured into jars filled with acids and enzyme liquids. There they got the same treatment as the human stomach would supply. Electronic and mechanical units controlled the process, and after almost two days the food came out of a filtering unit as something close to genuine, human shit...............The machine daily delivered turds that were signed and sold for $1000 each..........

    Delvoye is fast developing a reputation on the international art circuit as something of a hard case. His work regularly appears on the auction block -- last November, an elaborately carved wood cabinet filled with 32 circular saw blades painted with scenes in Delft China blue sold for $21,150 at Christie's New York. Visitors to the 2000 Venice Biennale probably noticed his life-sized carved walnut replica of a cement truck.

    And his continuing project, a herd of pigs covered with tattoos done by the best needle-men Antwerp's red-light district has to offer, is currently appearing at venues around the globe. Marcel, a pig adorned with a Harley-Davidson tattoo, has visited several European cities, while Bonnie and Clyde spent last Thanksgiving at the San Francisco Art Institute and Boris and Tatiana went to the Moscow Art Fair. The artist also makes stuffed tattooed pigs (one sold at auction in 1998 for $12,500) and tattooed pig skins ($4,830 in 1999)

    Oh yeah Baby! I want one of those turd-machines.

    watchmeshit - that's where you'll find it - just follow the smell. Talking of smells - you ever travelled on Metro Line 14 here in Paris? The new driverless one with the window at the front? It literally smells like shit as it goes close to the underground sewer.

    Wednesday
    Nov302005

    Teen Repellant

    fly.gifWednesday last day of November
    Paris

    Pesky, noisy teenagers getting up your nose? Zap 'em with this.

    A Welsh geezer is in line for the next Nobel Peace Prize after coming up with a way of silencing rowdy teenagers that hang around in shopping centres and malls.

    Howard Stapleton has invented a device, he calls The Mosquito ("It's small and annoying") that emits a high-frequency pulsing sound that, he says, can be heard by most people younger than 20 and almost no one older than 30. The sound is designed to so irritate young people that after several minutes, they can't stand it and hit the frog and toad.

    The idea came to Howard after remembering a visit to a factory when he was twelve. He opened the door to a room where workers were using high-frequency welding equipment and found he couldn't bear to go inside.

    "The noise!" he complained.

    "What noise?" the grownups asked.

    Now 39, Mr. Stapleton has taken the lesson he learned that day - that children can hear sounds at higher frequencies than adults can - to fashion a novel device that he hopes will provide a solution to the eternal problem of rowdy teenagers who hang around outside stores and cause trouble.

    So far, the Mosquito has been road-tested in only one place - at the entrance to the convenience store in his hometown in South Wales. Like birds perched on telephone wires, surly teenagers used to plant themselves on the railings just outside the door, smoking, drinking, shouting rude words at customers and making regular disruptive forays inside.

    "On the low end of the scale, it would be intimidating for customers," said Robert Gough, who, with his parents, owns the store. "On the high end, they'd be in the shop fighting, stealing and assaulting the staff."

    Mr. Gough planned to install a sound system that would blast classical music into the parking lot, another method known to horrify hang-out youths into dispersing, but never got around to it. But last month, Mr. Stapleton gave him a Mosquito for a free trial. The results were almost instantaneous. It was as if someone had used anti-teenager spray around the entrance where noisy youths used to hang out. Now there is no one.

    At first, members of the usual crowd tried to gather as normal, repeatedly going inside the store with their fingers in their ears and "begging me to turn it off," Mr. Gough said. But he held firm and told them it was to "keep birds away because of the bird flu epidemic."

    "It's loud and squeaky and it just goes through you", said one fifteen year old.

    "That little girl's twelve year old friend used to be a right pain, shouting abuse and bad language," the shopkeeper said. "Now she'll just come in, do her shopping and go."

    Mr. Stapleton, a security consultant whose experience in installing store alarms and the like alerted him to the gravity of the loitering problem, studied other teenage-repellents as part of his research. Some shops, for example, use "zit lamps," which drive teenagers away by casting a blue light onto their spotty skin, accentuating any whiteheads and other blemishes.

    Using his children as guinea pigs, he tried a number of different noise and frequency levels, testing a single-toned unit before settling on a pulsating tone which, he said, is more unbearable, and which can be broadcast at 75 decibels, within government auditory-safety limits. "I didn't want to make it hurt," Mr. Stapleton said. "It just has to nag at them."

    The device has not yet been tested by hearing experts.

    A professor of neurophysiology at Oxford University, said that while the ability to hear high frequencies deteriorates with age, the change happens so gradually that many non-teenagers might well hear the Mosquito's noise. "Unless the store owners wish to sell their goods only to senior citizens," he wrote, "I doubt that this would work."

    Mr. Stapleton argues, though, that it doesn't matter if people in their 20's and 30's can hear the Mosquito, since they are unlikely to be hanging out in front of stores, anyway.

    He is considering introducing a much louder unit that can be switched on in emergencies with a panic button. It would be most useful when youths swarm into stores and begin stealing en masse, a phenomenon known in Britain as steaming. The idea would be to blast them with such an unacceptably loud, high noise - a noise inaudible to older shoppers - that they would immediately leave.

    "It's very difficult to shoplift," Mr. Stapleton said, "when you have your fingers in your ears."

    From a story in The New York Times

    Wednesday
    Nov162005

    Pet Shop Boys & Girls

    231239-211684-thumbnail.jpg
    crap graphic design
    Wodensday November 16
    From the Land of the Free comes this -

    You want Quirky? Here it is gang - straight from the dogcrap Press Release.

    "Your Pet Product Could Be Worth $40,000"

    "Always thinking of great ideas for your pets? (yeah...strangle 'em)
    PetSafe challenges the public to enter innovative, quirky, fun or helpful pet ideas between October 1st and November 30th, 2005, on www.ideafetch.com for the chance to win $40,000 along with having their idea developed into product and sold at PETCO stores nationwide. It’s all part of PetSafe’s first pet “idea” contest called IdeaFetch.

    "In addition to entering ideas, the public is invited to help select the contest winner by voting online for their favorite entry. (Gosh! what fun kids.)

    "PetSafe’s IdeaFetch is a fun, innovative, consumer-driven contest designed to catch new pet product ideas that enhance the relationship between pet owners, families and their pet(s) and ultimately improve a pet’s quality of life." (Yeah...yeah...yeah - just show me the money, schmuck.)

    “As far as we know there has never been a contest as broad as IdeaFetch or one that allows consumers the opportunity to vote,” shares Doug Grindstaff, PetSafe VP of Marketing & Business Development. “The great part is you don’t have to be an engineer or have financial backing to enter; all you need is an idea and love for pets. PetSafe then brings the winning pet product idea to life.”

    Don't forget to check out the site for "Your pet's zodiac sign" and "Pet product ideas of the Rich and Famous". Like this one -

    "Most dog owners have experienced their crafty pet breaking loose from time-to-time. Here's a way to keep your animal in check, and safe. It's the digital dog collar. The digital dog collar allows pet owners to phone their pet via cell phone, triggering a reflex motion with the "sound" of the ring tone, that prompts the pet to head home. The dog is pre-conditioned by the owner prior to using the digital dog collar, by feeding the pet every time it hears the ring tone. The dog therefore associates the sound of the ring tone, with food and home. As a backup, a GPS chip is located in the collar, allowing the owner to track their pet.

    Michael Shapiro (a.k.a. Pavlov)
    Recording Artist and Pet Parent to Ralphie and Barney — his 2 labs who always make an appearance on stage."

    Make a what on stage?

    Sunday
    Nov132005

    Your Mug-Shot

    toplogo.gifSunday November 13
    Paris

    Oh yeah baby...this is way cool...and no it's not porn or sick photos...check it out HERE and if I could just figure out how to re-size my photos to 50 × 60 pixels I'd be able to use it, too. You reckon you can try this and tell me how to do it on my iMac G5? All I need to know is how to re-size my photos. I so much want to do this. Thanks.

    Saturday
    Nov122005

    With French Sauce...

    231239-208612-thumbnail.jpg
    click to order
    From one of our favourite sites www.engrish.com comes this Indonesian Restaurant Menu featuring dog-meat ("lab chop") and what we can only presume is horsemeat sauce ("citroën" - (deux chevaux). Or perhaps they meant horseradish?

    Friday
    Nov112005

    Taking the Piss

    toilets.gif231239-208071-thumbnail.jpg231239-208074-thumbnail.jpg231239-208077-thumbnail.jpgSaturday November 12
    Paris

    If you're travelling in Australia you have no need to be "caught short" with the advent of this site - the NATIONAL PUBLIC TOILET MAP an initiative of the National Continence Management Strategy.

    Just mouse over the map of Australia and click on where you want to spend a penny, and Voila! - a list of public and sometimes private facilities pops up. New South Wales seems to have the most dunnies with 4414 conveniences listed. Whilst Canberra and the Northern Territory are neck and neck with 199 and 201 respectively.

    You can also Find the Nearest Loo by searching "near an address", "at a point of interest" or "at a latitude & logitude".

    But you'll need to Log In and Register. (Ha ha. The Webmaster has a sense of humour.)

    What's next? A Michelin Guide to Australian Dunnies?

    Oh yeah...I nearly forgot..you can use the Dunny Guide with your GPS as well. You know..for when you're lost in the Great Sandy Desert and desperately need to find the outhouse. Although sometimes the nearest half-civilized toilet is 300 kilometres away.