Meet Harry. He's an internet marketer. Harry has a BIG problem. He's lost his Mojo - he's not making any sales. He has a great-looking site with all the bells and whistles. He's got the traffic. He has excellent CTR on his PPC campaign but it's not converting - no-one's buying.

Why? Because his landing page copy stinks. It fact, it not only stinks - it reeks. It's long and it's boring. Harry wrote it himself. And you can tell. He threw up a headline he found in a cheap ebook - WHO ELSE WANTS BLUE WIDGETS? it screams in garish red caps. Followed by 2,000 words of waffle.

Who else wants blue widgets? As it happens - no-one. That tired old, hackneyed line is enough to put anyone off. Harry compounds the problem by adding what he thinks is some really cool copy. Does Size Matter? reads the sub-head. Nothing to do with blue widgets but Harry figures most of his customers are guys anyway. And they'll get a chuckle out of it. He's wrong. They're clicking off the page in droves.

Oh Harry. What are we going to do with you? Look, if you want to sell stuff on the net you can't muck around - you have to go for the jugular. You've got seconds to get your reader's interest and seconds to sell them.

You want HOT COPY? Copy that sells. Cut to the chase. Tell 'em what you have. Tell 'em why they shouldn't be without it. Tell 'em the price. Tell 'em where to get it. To use another cliché - it's not rocket science.

Harry's blue widget campaign was in the hole until he met me - Malkie the Landing Page King. For starters I changed his "Who Else Wants Blue Widgets?" to

Now look what's happened - Harry's converting like crazy. And not just to the guys. That's one of his happy customers above.

Are your landing pages Dead Ducks like Harry's? Here's the deal. Send me your under-performing landing pages and I'll tweak them and re-write them so they convert like crazy. For just 100 bucks. Yep...one hundred George Washingtons. How good's that? Normally I charge at least $300 for my magic touch. But for you brave Warriors it's just one hundred dollars.

What's my style? I can write in any style you want but normally I just like to shoot from the hip. Like this. I write plain vanilla-style copy - no embellishments - no padding - I just tell it like it is. In so many words. My Landing Pages work their butts off. Get me to re-do yours and I'll give you two variations so you can split-test. Hot Copy delivered fresh to your door. Just hit the button - you'll be so glad you did. (And your teeth will stay whiter all day).

BTW Harry went on to marry that babe - now that's what I call a conversion!

After using PayPal, send a copy of your Landing Page to me at malkie66(AT)yahoo.com and I'll start on it toot sweet.

Pauline Hanson Naked

Pauline Hanson Nude Photos taken when she was a 19 year old Harley-Davidson fancier. Just released by her former boyfriend Jack Johnson. Apparently he's dying of cancer and needs a quid. Pity they've been blurred out. I haven't been able to find the originals. But here's a quote from the Australian newspapers -

Based in Townsville at the time, Johnson said he was travelling from the army base at Oakey to Brisbane with mates when he stopped at the shop "and I started chatting up this young bird who was working there''. After rebuffing his invitations several times, Hanson agreed to have a drinkwith the young soldier and the couplesoon began seeing each other on aregular basis. "I had the best Harley in town,'' Johnson told The Sunday Telegraph.
"That's why she was keen on me.
"I was invited to the opening of the Pelican Bay Resort, near Coffs Harbour, through circumstances.
"I phoned her and said did she want to go? I explained it was a five-star resort, with everything paid for, including drinks.
"She said sure and we took the Harley down there for the four-hour drive.
"We booked into the swankiest place I'd ever seen. We had a ball.''
The young couple partied at the resort's disco on the Friday night of their arrival and spent the next day relaxing.
Following dinner with other guests on the Saturday night, more dancing and a midnight swim in the ocean, the couple went back to their room where Johnson presented Hanson with a gift of lingerie.
The pair were drunk - Hanson on Passion Pop, Johnson on imported beer.
"I gave her the stockings and the teddy set, she tried on the sexy gear and started modelling for me, so I got out my camera. It was that innocent.
"After that we got a little bit more intimate and that sort of thing.''
The impromptu photo shoot lasted some two hours and at one point the couple took photos outside the room where they were seen by other guests.
The next morning at breakfast, another female guest said something unflattering about events of the night before and Hanson locked herself in their room until the couple departed after lunchtime.
Soon after the weekend away, Johnson was sent to Hawaii for air-assault training with his regiment.
When he came back five weeks later, Hanson was involved with another man and berated Johnson for not calling her.
The relationship ended.
Johnson admits he frequently took photos of his girlfriends, but had never shown the Hanson shots to anyone else.
A fortnight ago a friend was helping him digitise some of his images when they came across the shots.
The friend recognised Hanson and told Johnson the images were "worth money''.
He said he was happy to give them back to the politician - "but sorry it's come to this, sweetheart ... that's the way it is''.
Hanson was campaigning in Logan City south of Brisbane yesterday. Her campaign manager Bronwyn Boag said Hanson was too busy to come to the phone and they did not "care about photos".

Click on the thumbnails to see them full size. Oh yeah...you might like to play this old Pauline Pantsdown track at the same time "I Don't Like It" -