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Wednesday
Apr122006

McGourmet (not)

pig.gifDoes this make you want to puke? -

"Next time you're at a McDonald's, you might want to ask if the chef is willing to whip up a specialty that's not on the menu board, suggests an article by Dana Bowen in The New York Times. It seems that more than a few fast food employees enjoy creating their own taste sensations, mixing and matching available ingredients in new and often imaginative ways. One such recipe, dubbed McBruschetta, is making the rounds on the internet after a McDonald's employee posted it on Live Journal.

The recipe: "Whole wheat TDS (toasted deli sandwich) bun ... with cut up tomatoes and slivered onions and Parmesan cheese, put in the oven under the pie timer, and voila, bruschetta."

It's not just at McDonald's where employees tinker with new taste sensations, of course. An Arby's employee posts: "I found that I could push on the soda tap just right to get syrup to come out, and I would mix that syrup with vanilla shakes for slightly unique flavors ... My favorite was Lipton's Iced Tea syrup. Mimicking the popularity of green ice cream in Japan, it gave you a nice blend of sweet and bitter flavors."

Ah, so.

At Long John Silver's, one employee "liked to deep-fry the house pecan pie" and at Little Caesers, the pizza ovens are sometimes used to bake imported cookie dough. (Speaking of pizzas, around the corner there's another wild and wacky Italian gourmet delight wonder pizza - a pizza vending machine that'll give you a 9" pizza in 2 minutes.)

Back at the Golden Arches they're barbecuing "freestyle, mixing mustard, spicy hot sauce, ketchup and sugar from opened packets with chicken strips, then sizzling it all under the 'baked muffins' setting in a McDonald's oven." As Brian Rivers, who works at a Michigan McDonald's explains: "Working for a corporation like McDonald's really makes you an expert on the foods you deal with day in and day out." And a gourmet chef, it seems. Have a go at this recipe -

Peanut Butter Fudge Sundae

two shots hot fudge
five ounces soft serve
two packets of peanut butter

Place peanut butter in original sealed containers in the HLZ five minutes before going on break. When break commences, open one package of peanut butter and pour into the bottom of a sundae cup. Add one shot of hot fudge. Fill with ice cream. Top with another shot of hot fudge. Open remaining packet of peanut butter and pour over top. (At this point both portions of peanut butter should be melted enough to resemble a liquid.)

and another gem -

PB&J Sundae
two ounces of strawberries
five ounces soft serve
two packets of peanut butter

Again, place peanut butter packets in the HLZ five minutes before break. Assemble in the same manner as previous sundae.

I've an idea for them....why don't they take one of their Big Macs or McChicken Burgers and bung the bastard in some batter and deep-fry it? I've even got a name for it - "Fry me to the Moon".

Meanwhile over in Altamura, Italy "a little bakery in Italy forced McDonald’s to close up shop. For some reason, McDonald’s quiet exit from this city of 65,000 went unreported until “the leftist and Amero-skeptic French newspaper, "Liberation" picked it up last week. As a story, it is irresistible — a classic David v. McDonald’s.

“What took place was a small war between us and McDonald’s,” says Onofrio Pepe, an Altamura resident. “Our bullets were focaccia. And sausage. And bread. It was a peaceful war, without any spilling of blood.”

When McDonald’s first arrived in town, it was welcomed. “In the beginning, it seemed like modernization,” Onofrio says. But that feeling changed when modernization involved “huge arches on a pole near the old town centre, jarringly near the 13th century cathedral, beaming yellow neon 24 hours a day.”

Luca Digesu decided to open a small bakery right next to the McDonald’s. He didn’t really intend to challenge McDonald’s exactly; he just thought he might “shake free some customers attracted to the spot by the novelty.” But over time, Luca’s bakery, Antica Casa Digesu, began attracting “locals who preferred their own version of fast food: hunks of thick focaccia” priced “the same as a single McDonald’s hamburger.”

What McDonald’s maybe didn’t realize was that Luca’s focaccia, “a coarse-grain bead famous for millennia around Italy” was a source of local pride, and in fact “is protected as unique in European Union regulations,” and had even been praised by Horace in 37 B.C.

When business started falling off for McDonald’s, it tried offering various promotions and incentives, including “a television for customers to watch soccer.” But, as Onofrio explains: “They’d watch the game, and as soon as it was over go out and get focaccia.”

Undaunted, Mario Resca, president of McDonald’s in Italy, says he still plans "to double the number of McDonald’s here from the current 340," and comments: "If anything, I am proud that the local culture is appreciating its local cuisine because this means that McDonald’s has stimulated a healthy competition."

Yeah, right.

mashed from reveries.com and other sources I couldn't be arsed linking. And while researching this story I found the inspiration for Seinfeld's Soup Nazi Oh...and if your flatmate is knocking off your gourmet ice cream just invest in a "Pint Lock" from the Ben & Jerry's site

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Reader Comments (7)

Damn Mal, you really are going for content.. good for you. let me know how it turns out for ya.
I , in the mean time, have taken to promoting a new local band called of all things.. "The Potatoebabies" you can see them at <a href="http://www.potatoebabies.com"> All Tammy NYP all the Time</a>
I figure if I tie them in with the whole tammy nyp thing, they are sure to be a hit with their target audience.. mostly perverts in the 18 to 35 year old bracket.

If you get a chance swin by www.potatoebabies.com and give them the evil eye.
With luck I will talk them into producing a music video for youtube then the promotion will truly begin!
Remember here in the states, it is also National Poetry Month.. so if you have some verse or prose come post em.. (not you Mal.. your readers.. I have read your stuf.. and quite frankly it scares me.)
Party on, you long lost Aussie you!
April 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDeRex
Oh God... and this is the country I've chosen to live in?

What was I thinking, Mal? Americans have fucked palates. I'm eating a salad roll (called a veggie sub) from a *charming* chain called Blimpies - sort of like Subway on a much lower budget *eewww*

(It makes me want to puke, but the shop is right below my office.)
April 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSouthernBelle
DeRex

As resident Haikuist, I was going to post some poetry on your site... but can't see where I can.

Indulge moi, and I shall reciprocate.
April 13, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMountjoy
Four posts down on his site under "Errotic Poetry". Put it in his comment box and he'll upload it.
April 13, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermalkie
mountjoy seeks post place
does he really know de rex?
boy does he get round.
April 13, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermushroom
The McD's brushetta thing sounds likea way they could go... Damn it made me hungry... So I made me some toast and peanut butter, all without leaving the house...
April 13, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBec
Mountjoy: poetry.. just pick any post and leave it as a comment.. or email it to me at delorumrex@yahoo.com.. cool.
April 14, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDeRex

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