Sydney - where to get laid - Pubs & Clubs Guide
aqua luna bar "If you love to skip around like a kangaroo on heat, with sunnies on (to avoid the harsh laser/strobe lighting) listening to doof, doof music all night, go to The Globe, Home or Chinese Laundry.
If you think you are too cool for school or a bit of a glamour puss, head to upstairs Cargo, Bungalow 8, The Loft or Ruby Rabbit for instant street cred. You will think you're so stylish, no matter how much of a wannabe-who-never-will-be you really are.
If you want to get laid by a cheap and easy backpacker, your best bet is the Coogee Bay Hotel or Kings Cross Hotel... only a short stroll away from her hostel dorm room too, which is mighty convenient.
If you have no luck there head for the city and go to Scruffy Murphy's, PJ OBRIEN's or any other pub with an Irish name.
If you want to try your luck competing with 30 something year olds for some of that glamour tail, go to The Sackville or any other pub in Balmain.
If action and a bit of blood is what you like, head down to the Brooklyn Hotel (aka The Fight Club) or The Commercial at Parramatta where you are always guaranteed to witness or be involved in a WWE Smackdown-style brawl.
If you're a wanker with money to match your inflated ego, suit up and hit The Establishment, Aqua Luna Bar or Hugo's Lounge where you'll have no problems finding a young blonde 30 years your junior quite willing to put up with your money.
If you're keen to see a first grade footballer off his chops at 6am on a Sunday morning dazed and confused, look no further than The Empire Hotel in Kings Cross.
If you are fresh of the boat from NZ or any other Pacific Island, head straight to "Burgundys" on level 3 of City RSL where you will feel right at home amongst your coconut cousins. You will swear that this is the choicest club you've ever been to bro!
If you wanna pick up within the first 10 minutes of arriving, you can always try the vast array of easy chicks at St Pats, The Orient, Jacksons on George, The Metropole or The Forbes.
For the young North Shore teens, Wallaby Bar or The Greenwood hotel are the places to be seen. Make sure you're wearing your funkiest boat shoes, no matter how mismatched they may look.
And be sure to return daddy's R32 home safely and in one piece. If you're older than 20, you're too old to be here.
For the over 20 year old North Shore chums downstairs Cargo is your graduation from Wallaby Bar, even when you're 35! Here you're guaranteed to see everyone who used to go to Wallaby!
Now we all know that you can pretty much walk into any Sydney nightclub and see Lebs - you just can't escape them! But for a truly Authentic Lebo experience, head to Rogues (Friday nights especially) where you could find the habibi of your dreams. Special "cultural" entertainment includes belly-dancers and wicked Arabic beats.
If you want to see the absolute scum of the earth - go to The Bridge Hotel in Rozelle after 5am on a Sunday morning... it's a junkies paradise.
If you're extremely under-age, try Goodbar on Oxford Street, where ID is not necessary.
If you like to wear chambray shirts tucked neatly into your chino pants with your brown leather "boat" shoes, and still "bond" with your old private school mates, head to The Oaks in Neutral Bay or the Golden Sheaf in Double Bay where you and your mates can talk Rugby and drink schooners 'til your heart's content.
If you're the type of guy who loves to get his shirt off and strut his newly-waxed chest/back/abs on the podium, step this way for UN.
Yo Yo Yo... wassup! If you and your homeboys/girls wanna listen to some phat-ass hip hop tunez, find yourself some chocolate lovin, or just wanna hang out with a whole lot of ghetto superstar wannabes,
then the RnB SuperClub, Mocha, Mothership or Gas is the place for
you.
And if you believe you live in "God's country" and are a tradesman, surfer, professional athlete, or anyone else who generally worships all things sun, surf and beer, you'll want to head to one of the many bogan bars in the "Shire" - Northies being the most notorious and hosting the most 'Miss...' competitions.
From this blog and they got it from somewhere else (uncredited) - guide to Sydney nightlife
Malcolm Lambe
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Reader Comments (7)
pretty funny but you missed the whole pub scene completely. I live in sydney and go out all the time and the only places on your list that i ever frequent is scruffy's, The Orient and Jacksons on George and i only go to any of those once im too pissed to get in anywhere else.
aside from that good job, your spot on about most of the clubs
None of them are a patch on The Royal George back in the early '60s Roaring Days!
http://theroyalgeorge.blogspot.com/
And a celebration have there, of beer and spirits made,
Nine schooners will I drink there, and give my eyes a rub,
Then make a lunge at the nearest winsome maid.
And I will drink more beer there, for beer comes pouring slow,
Pouring from the Hahn's Lager tap, into the frosty glass;
There midnight's rather woozy in the bar-lights' lurid glow,
And dawn full of bouncers kicking arse.
I will arise and go now, for always, night and day,
I hear good lager gurgling with loud sounds down my gullet,
As I stagger somewhat stonkered out on the pavements grey,
A pie-eyed, blotto, pickled mullet.
Pub-Fever
I must go down to the pub again, to the raucous pub and the crowd,
And all I ask is a pint of Old, and a band that plays too loud,
And the bouncer's kick and the pokies' song, and my eyeballs shaking,
And a hot tart with a cheeky face, and a bar stool breaking.
Cheers!
And just look where I washed up forty-odd years later.