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How to strangle your cat

nakamura.gif...and other handy disposal methods.

1. Tylenol (acetaminophen) and similar household painkillers are poisonous to cats. In fact most human medication is. Psych drugs have particularly interesting side-effects on pussy.

2. Make sure the collar on your cat can catch on things and strangle it. Flea collars are particularly good value. Not only can they cause an allergic reaction but should a kitten run off and become a stray, it will grow and the flea collar will choke him. Strays have been found with flea-collars embedded in their skin. Pretty neat eh? Death by slow strangulation.

3. Let your cat play with string, thread or yarn. Cats can swallow string or yarn and have it get tangled in their stomach and intestines. Should your cat come to you with a string hanging out of his mouth with the other end down its throat - pull on it, you never know what'll come up.

4. Leave the cords from your window blinds or shades hanging down where they will entice your cat. They can strangle themselves very easily.

5. Leave your pet alone in your car in direct summer sun with all the windows up. Temperatures inside a car can rise to as high as 40 or 50 degrees Celsius in 30 minutes or less! Cat casserole. mmm!

6. Many common houseplants are poisonous to cats. Good tip, eh? Doesn't include Catnip which moggies are actually attracted to.

7. Leave the bathroom door open when running water into the bathtub. You never know...Oh, and leave toilet lids up, always.

8. Make sure an open fire is unscreened. Everyone loves a barbeque.

9. Leave windows open. Particularly if you live in a highrise of 33 fucking stories or something. Cats may jump out of open windows. Contrary to popular belief, they don't always land on their feet when they fall.

10. Leave the garage and laundry doors open. A warm dryer or a car engine may entice cats in search of a warm place to nap. Take them for a spin.

11. Antifreeze tastes sweet to pussy and is the most common source of feline poisoning. Ingesting just a teaspoon of anti-freeze can cause kidney failure. Who would have thought it, eh? And you don't even have to get your hands dirty.

12. Set rodent traps within a cat's reach. Make a hell of a racket when they go off, but. Not recommended.

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Reader Comments (1)

thanks for the tips!
May 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterme!!

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