Things That Go Bump in the Night
Wednesday, March 1, 2006 at 12:41PM
Malcolm Lambe

"tout le monde au balcon" - "everyone's on the balcony".
Donnie Mountjoy gets cuntstruck (can I say that here?) by the voice that can shatter a wine glass at a thousand paces. "Mariah Carey is credited as having a five-octave vocal range; she can cover all the notes from the alto range leading to those of a coloratura soprano. Her vocal trademark is her ability to sing in the whistle register - the highest register of the human voice" - Wikipedia. She's also got the biggest tits in captivity but that's another story. Donnie's actually.

Put Em’ Away, Love

There were no surprises for music industry players at last week’s 37th Annual NAACP (North American Association for Chest Puppies?) Image Awards, where Mariah Carey’s breasts had been nominated for four awards.

Carey sweeps awards

Already a big winner at last months Mammys, er, I mean Grammys where she walked away with a three trophies (Best left Breast, Best Right Breast, and best Pair, we assume), there is no doubt Ms Carey’s assets were always well out in front in the race for honours at the North American Association for Chest Puppies Image Awards. Ever the comeback queen, Mimi’s Mammaries have shown excellent resilience in coming back from the train-wreck that was Glitter, and have been unfurled upon an eager Grammy-voting community throughout the promotion of her "Emancipation of Mimi" work

Rumours continue to abound that surgical enhancement has taken place, surgical enhancement? however La Diva denies her cleavage is anything but natural. The fact that her legs were digitally lengthened to make her less burlesque and more statuesque on the cover of not one, but two of her albums 231239-283549-thumbnail.jpg231239-283547-thumbnail.jpg
anorexic Barbie Doll
should be a clue to all listeners that the lady is not beyond artificial enhancement – although of course, reports of her precious behaviour should be taken with a grain of salt. And some kittens.

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