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From boingboing.net via forums.studentdoctor.net - Things I Learn From My Patients: real-world ER humor

Emergency room black humor. Posted by ER medical professionals on a message board at studentdoctor.net:

• If you're on the street corner selling coke and you see the cops coming to bust you, don't eat all your coke.

• Always wait until finishing your woodwork with the Skilsaw prior to using your meth.

• Don’t sit out on your front porch reading the bible and minding your own business at 2 AM unless you are praying to be shot.

• No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra.

• Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto-bismol.

• If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first… and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina….

• if you are going to have a leg amputated in a car accident be very sure that the neighborhood dog is not lurking in the area…they tend to take what they can get.