« Ten Things I Hate About You | Main | What am I? »

G.I. Joe - a real American hero

Hey Joe...where you going with that gun in your hand?

My hero
Have a go at this crossdressing idiot. I found his blog somewhere - I think it fell off the back of a Hummer. my american hero He's on a shoot-em-up mission in Iraq and deludes himself that's he's their saviour and that the Iraqi people welcome him there. I couldn't help myself - told him he was a fool on a fool's mission. So he visited me here and left a comment in "About the Idiot behind this" - Wow, that is pretty deep for a white flag raising French guy that can't hold a job. And to disguise your inability to advance in society, you call it "life experience" that makes you a better writer? ha ha ha..Foolish mortal. When I feed the hungry and starving Iraqi children, I feel blessed. When I give clothing to Iraqi's that are cold and shivering, they kiss me and call me friend. I provide security for their families because they want me there and know that it is my dedication to their freedom that keeps them out of torture houses and rape rooms. I have never called myself a hero, but I have been called an angel of God by the people of Iraq, and their opinion matters more to me, then some coward a world away that is arrogant enough to think he knows better then the people that live here. I feel sorry for you, you sad, sad, boy

And I replied - Hey killer! If you had half a brain you'd realise I'm not French. I just live here for now.
"Advance in society" - you mean comme toi? Off on a fool's mission with your "My country right or wrong" mentality. Try using the brains the good Lord gave you instead of lapping up the propaganda your government feeds you. As for your calling me a coward - you know niente about me. You want to talk about the 'Nam experience American hero?

Security for Iraqis? You gotta be kidding! All you've done is added to their insecurity and their misery with your "Bomb them back into the Stone-Age" shoot-em-up American gunboat diplomacy INVASION, Fuckhead.

He must of come-a-visiting again because today he posted this reply on his front page -

I remember an episode of Kung Fu, where the child known as grasshopper, was relaying to his master what he and two other children had seen that day. Although all three children were present at the same time and place, all three had a different account of what had occurred. All three were correct, but the information processed through three different minds gave an account from a different point of view. Looking at a real life example of this phenomenon, we can look at the Rodney King riots. Everyone in the world saw what happened on the video, yet the police officers were acquitted. Why? Because the jury was informed of what happened from all points of view, while the American public only had a few seconds of video tape.

Now, let me make this personal. Who do we think has a better understanding of what is going on in Iraq, Jay, at TheKingsRealm, or Malcolm Lambe at Welcometowallyworld? If Jay, who lives and works and fights in Iraq informs his readers that the Iraqi people enjoy the Americans company and feel safer with them present, and Malcolm who lives in France, says that Jay is brainwashed, and the Iraqis do not want Americans here, who should have more credibility?

I am going to mention some of the differences that I noticed right away. First, I do not use vulgarity. There is no need for it. If I cannot express my thoughts with words that come from the English dictionary, then I doubt using expletives will make my lessons more clear. I also inform you of my mistakes and things that I have done in the past that have not worked, and based on my experience, give solutions to how myself or anyone else can make better decisions in the future. I do not get political. In my book review, I did mention that I thought the author leaned a little to the left, but I did not discount his political views, only his accuracy in reporting. I use quotes from the Holy Bible to illustrate a point, but I also use comparisons to Hollywood wisdom which holds no true value at all. I do not judge others, and I am very reserved about the labels I put on people. Yes, I have called people stupid, and evil, and slutty….But, I never mention any names, I only share with you the feelings I had at the time and under the circumstances.

Now, lets look at Malcolm Lamb’s Blog. Vulgarity. Name calling. Hateful talk based on emotions with no factual claims behind them. He admits to driving recklessly, 200KPH (what is that 130mph) at night with no lights on, on country roads, and brags about his hiking nude. In America, we put people in jail for that. I guess that is why he moved to France. He calls me “Killer” and other names, yet when his masculinity is questioned, he alludes to his illustrious Vietnam experience. Malcolm gives instructions on how to put money in his paypal account on his blog. Interesting concept. Some would call that begging. Just remind me, have I ever posted that you should send me money? I have spent over ten years of my life giving to the people around me. I have saved hundreds of lives in my career, and Iraq is just the latest adventure. Malcolm describes himself as an “idiot”, (his words, not mine and he knows himself better then I do, so why should I argue with him?) His stories are about promiscuity and drug use. He says I know nothing about him, yet he feels it is acceptable to label me a lapdog, and brainwashed, because I left my wife and children and all I had to come to Iraq and serve the people that work and live here. I realize I could be doing more with my life. I could be an assistant bee keeper. I could bring joy to all the people in the world that crave the taste of Honey Nut Cheerios. But alas, at that I am a failure.

Ladies and gentleman don’t get me wrong; I am not a nice guy. I am a mercenary. I get paid a very good salary to make someone else’s life miserable. “But if I show up at your door, it is because you did something to bring me there”. (a little John Cusak for you, from Gross Point Blank) My primary function on the team is as a medic. I treat any wounded, no matter what side of the x they are on and I am very good at what I do. I have never called myself a hero, yet others use that word to describe me. Malcolm Lambe seems to think it is a curse word, and uses it to belittle my efforts. I am sure, that in Malcolms many years as a:

“builders laborer, plumbers laborer, silkscreen printer, beekeeper's assistant, factory hand, peanut roaster, bar useful, darkroom assistant for nude photographer, kitchen salesman, Boy Scout Shop assistant, house painter, fencer, boatshed worker, house cleaner, advertising copywriter, tick collector, zucchini gatherer, car salesman, magazine writer, marketing manager, builder, high-rise swinging-stage worker, cook, graphic designer, barman, Sales Rep., radio copywriter & gag writer”.

…he has become an expert on all matters of foreign affairs (in his own mind). Ladies and gentleman, I will remind you once again…that just because he saw what happened in a video clip on CNN, does not mean he knows what happened in Iraq. If you want to know about Iraq, ask me. If you want to know about being an assistant for a nude photographer, Malcolm is your man.

Lastly, I encourage you to visit his site for yourself. welcometowallyworld. Surf around. Look at his writings. Maybe read what he has to say about America, or ask him why he moved to France. Let him know what you think of his personal attacks on me. Don’t be vulgar. Don’t be rude. Yes, I did respond to Malcolm in a defensive way. He called my mission illegal and foolish. Many of my friends have died for this mission, and I will not take lightly, statements that demean the sacrifices these brave men and women have made. Although I responded to Mr. Lambe with some harshness, I ask you to kindly respect my wish that you do not. Do not make any personal attacks. If you criticize, please criticize with compassion, or if you agree with Malcolm, be uplifting and supportive. But please, don’t be crass. My readers are better then that and most of you should know by now, that I don’t need help in a fight. Not with someone like Malcolm.

Be Fearless.

Yeah...be fearless. Go in there with your superior firepower and blow the fuck out of everything. Including the archeological treasures. I was reading in "The Guardian" yesterday how the Yanks have built a huge military carpark over an important archeological site in ancient Babylon. And the Ziggurat at Ur is now a military base. Maybe they'll turn it into a McDonald's or demolish it and set it up in Las Vegas as the newest casino.

Three years after Iraq's ancient treasures were first stolen and smashed, the cradle of civilisation is still being looted. It's a catastrophe, says former arts minister Mark Fisher.


guardian story

He admits to driving recklessly, 200KPH (what is that 130mph) at night with no lights on, on country roads, and brags about his hiking nude. In America, we put people in jail for that.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments (43)

Please tell me this guy is not real Lambe!
A robot?
January 21, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRob Byrnes
I bet if I said I'd worked as a "chicken sexer" he'd believe that too. "He admits to driving recklessly at night with no lights on".
January 21, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
I think I'm gonna change it. Just so I can get further up the nose of this neo-con Christian Ken Doll. Like this - "I like driving my Benz NAKED at 200 k.p.h. down country roads at night with no lights on, high on psilocybin and with a car-load of underage girls listening to Serge Gainsbourg playing at full-volume on the stereo". And then I'm gonna claim to have once been "an assistant to a lap-dancer" and a "psychedelic oyster grower at Ile de Ré".
January 21, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
You are so articulate in presenting your point, how could I have been so blind. Your superior intellect is astounding, and your knowledge of current events is beyond comprehension. The way you tie it all together and reinforce your opinions with facts is no less then genius. What was I thinking? Your a legend Malkie. And all this time, the thousands of people over here in Iraq were getting it wrong, and all we had to do was just get advice from you. All the billions of dollars we could have saved and the answer was in france the whole time.

The view from my arse? that was classic. Again, Malkie, just because you saw a clip on a news program or read a single article does not mean you know jack about Iraq. Tell me, what is more important, the lives of Iraqi children or some paintings? what would you place a higher value on, the distribution of medicine or the preservation of some rocks on the ground?

Tell me, what have you done for the iraqi people lately? What have you done to make their lives any better? Inspire us with your answer on how to make things better. Dont just say bush is evil, and everything is a mess. Really give us your answer. Don't just say I am deluded, tell me how you would do things different? share with us, the brainwased majority, how a real hero would make the world a better place. by the way, how is france doing after the muslim slums rioted?

"cross dresser", how Tolerant of you. what an intelectual insight, and delivered with such compassion and open mindedness. I can see now why you believe yourself superior. It is your wit and candor. You really are a wonderful person Malkie.

Ken doll? now that was hitting below the belt. There was no reason for that. I don't mind an intellectual battle of the minds, but that was a cheap shot and way to personal.

Thank you for reinforcing the differences between us.

January 21, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJay
I really don't know what to say to this cowboy. "what is more important, the lives of Iraqi children or some paintings? what would you place a higher value on, the distribution of medicine or the preservation of some rocks on the ground?" Well pal, we're only talking about relics from the cradle of civilisation here. Not of high importance in the American view of things. Just some irreplaceable "rocks on the ground", as you call them, going back thousands of years and carefully preserved for posterity until you barbarians came along.
You've really got a set against France, haven't you? "by the way, how is france doing after the muslim slums rioted?" I suppose you were one of the dopes agitating for "French Fries" to become "Freedom Fries".
January 21, 2006 | Registered CommenterMalcolm Lambe
So what your saying is...rocks are more important then people? Just imagine..your starved, desperate, your family members are dying, all because of the opression under the former dictator. Then, when all the bad guys are off fighting, (actually it was more like running away) you have the opprotunity to steal something of value to help your family. It was not the Americans that looted in Iraq. Tell me, how is what happened here any differnt then the looting The muslims in France did during the riots? What did the govt of france do for 15 days when cars were being burned and citizens battered? What excuses were made for the poor and oppressed in France that are not being given to the poor and the oppressed in Iraq? Life is most valuable Malkie. There is no greater gift or treasure. No man made object is more valuable then a single life. If I had the choice between an object of the cradle of civilization, and a poor hungry Iraqi, yes, this Freedom Fry eating, Cowboy would protect the child and allow the artwork to be plundered. What are you willing to protect?
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjay
"It was not the Americans that looted in Iraq" - no, they just allowed it to happen.

Why do you keep crapping on about "What did the govt of france do for 15 days when cars were being burned and citizens battered?"

You're one mixed-up puppy aren't you? As a self-confessed mercenary and dealer of death you profess here and now "Life is most valuable Malkie. There is no greater gift or treasure" representing, as you do, a murderous regime who kill and maim civilians and combatants through indiscriminate bombing. Without even going into your illegal and clandestine torture centres and Abu Grahbi prison camp incidents.
Then of course we could talk about "cluster bombs" and land-mines that are killing more civilians, notably children.
And you have the hide, the absolute gall, to say "Life is most valuable" as you pose with your BigDick gun and your pumping-iron-in-the-gym acquired physique (wearing a skirt).
But that's all right, isn't it? You're representing "freedom and democracy the American way" and God's on your side. God knows where "Thou shalt not kill" comes into it. Guess it doesn't apply to Americans, huh Rambo?

Remember folks, the Jaybird says: "He admits to driving recklessly, 200KPH (what is that 130mph) at night with no lights on, on country roads, and brags about his hiking nude. In America, we put people in jail for that."

If you're still there Jaybird, go and read some Tacitus. Particluarly this passage - Raptores orbis, postquam cuncta vastantibus defuere terrae, iam et mare scrutantur: si locuples hostis est, avari, si pauper, ambitiosi; quos non Oriens, non Occidens satiaverit: soli omnium opes atque inopiam pari adfectu concupiscunt. Auferre trucidare rapere falsis nominibus libertatem, atque, ubi solitudinem faciunt, pacem appellant.

Robbers of the world, having by their universal plunder exhausted the land, they loot the seas. If the enemy is rich, they are rapacious; if he is poor, they lust for dominion; neither the east nor the west has been able to satisfy them. Alone among men they covet with equal eagerness poverty and riches. To robbery, slaughter, plunder, they give the lying name of "Freedom"; they make a desolation and call it "peace".
- Calgacus (Tacitus, Agricola XXX - "libertatem" for "imperium")
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
I've just been thinking about the differences between Seppos and us. I have a mate who's a builder - a very successful builder. He has dozens of people working for him and at any one time has half a dozen projects going - from cottages to blocks of flats. Yet, when people ask him what he does he describes himself as "a carpenter". I really like the humility of that. He could genuinely claim to be at the very least "a builder". But no....he's "a carpenter".
An American in the same situation would probably describe himself as "a multi-millionaire international property developer".
To me, a little bit of self-deprecation goes a long way. Not everyone gets it though. To some I'll always be "an assistant to a nude photographer". And they'll have a mental image of my driving blindly down the backroads at 200 k.p.h. and climbing Mount Warning in the nuddy. ;)
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
Malkie, I have an image of you driving down the highway at 200kmh in the nude and it isn't pretty!!

As an outside observer I would have to say that you are both very convinced that you are in the right. I tend to naturally lean more to your side of the arguement Malkie. But Jay, YOU obviously think that the actions YOU are taking in Iraq are just and true. They may well be (and probably are), and congratulations to you on that front. But the actions of your GOVERNMENT are NOT. Take a second and look around you in Iraq. Ask yourself... is this really right? I think we all know the answer in your heart.

You and this Jay dude are clearly on opposite sides of a very large fence Malkie. Good luck.
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
B, believe half of what you see and none of what you hear. You need to take me with a grain of salt, capisce?
And what exactly do you mean by "They may well be (and probably are), and congratulations to you on that front."?
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
Quoting Marvin Gaye! Awesome. Thats heaps better than that Tacitus fellow - his lyrics were just gobbledigook.....
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMountjoy
Oh I do.

I never thought I'd have to clarify a statement for you Mal. OK....

"They may well be (and probably are)"
This Jay dude thinks that his motivation for being there is just and true - In his mind, his motivation to go would more than likely have been altruistic - at least in some part. I have too much faith in human goodness to think that the only reason he went was the money and the chance to kill people.

"and congratulations to you...."
Congratulations to him for:
a) Having that much passion for going over there. Even if his reason for being needed(?) is an unjust and murderous war.
b) for raking in the hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
B, he's a self-confessed mercenary. You did notice the gun? It aint a water-pistol. He kills people for a living. And patches them up, apparently. Yes he thinks he's doing the right thing. That's why I call him "deluded". "With God on our side" is what the arrogant Americans are all about. They think they can solve everything with brute force and a gun. Stupid fucks still haven't learnt the lessons of Vietnam. And we all get dragged into the madness. Then he attacks France because, as his arsehole of a President says, "those who aren't with us are against us".
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
The bit that made me about choke on my toast this morning was the email from a friend:

"When our wives were girls, they played with dolls, looking forward to the defining ultimate moment in a woman's life: child birth/child-rearing. As teenagers, they giggle and talk about boys in anticipation of mating and their ultimate defining moment as women: child birth and child-rearing. Later, they give birth and raise children, as their defining ultimate moments on earth. As old women, as the families gather for Christmas feasts, the old women sit together and talk about their defining ultimate focus: their kids and grandkids.

Meanwhile, as boys, we played army and shot each other with toy guns while hiding in the forest, as we prepare for a man's ultimate and defining moment: Combat. Later, we played football and wrestled as, again, we prepared for our ultimate and defining moment as men: Combat. Finally, some of us face that ultimate and defining moment: Combat. And it changes us forever and makes us part of a special fraternity of men. No one can ever take that away from us. As old men, when we gather with families at Christmas feasts, we will sit with the old men on the porch and strip our sleeves, show our scars and tell stories about the defining moments in our lives: Combat."

I find the first paragraph so so telling. And the second paragraph frightening.

I'm certain that Jay and his merecenary buddies beleive emphatically they are there in the service of freedom and democracy. I tend to call it manifest destiny writ large.


The very fact that you can have a President of the United States presuming to tell other countries how to run their governments is laughable - but it does not surprise me. Halliburton, KKR, The Saudis, Oil...these are all the things that Junior holds dear. He can't rescue his own citizens from the hell of New Orleans for - what was it - 5 days - but lets keep pumping money into Iraq. Over a thousand dead soldiers can't be wrong, right?
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Yes but surely Mal, attacking them and their raisin detter (sorry french joke) is not the way to go. From my experience, if someone has not the faculties or are not of an open mind attacking their position just makes them dig their heels in further. Yes, George W is the worlds biggest fuckwit. Yes the US govt is a hotbed of kickbacks, lobbying groups, sleaze, double standards and obfuscating language. Yes, they are so far from being a democratic country it's not funny. Yes the majority of their citizens would have trouble locating anything other than Mexico and Canada on an unmarked map. Yes, they have taken capitalism and ruined it. But no, attacking them is not going to make things better. We (the non-US world) must show them with OUR actions, the way that the world should be governed, a better way. It's not easy.
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B
Uncle B, don't be so sure about being able to locate Canada on a map either. Let us not forget that until he became President of arguable the most powerful nation in the world, George had not been outside of the United States. Not even to Canada, which is the longest undefended border in the world to cross.
January 23, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWCS
Rubbish B, they need to be held in contempt. They need to have their faces rubbed in the dogshit of Vietnam and Africa and South America and all the other places where they have fucked up. They are technologically superior but ideologically inferior. THEY HAVE LOST THEIR WAY. Within 20 years China is going to be the dominant nation. Unless, of course, the Seppos nuke them - a very real possibility. What do you think this ridiculous foray into Iraq and Afghanistan is costing the Americans? Where's the dough coming from? Who have they borrowed from?
They need to be told in the strongest possible terms THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. (It's an invasion of a sovereign nation...It's illegal...it's not ratified by the (useless) U.N....it was sold on the basis of (non-existent)WMDs) Fuck them. And fuck this Adventure Man and all his ilk.
January 23, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
Wendy, I'm really pleased you checked out that "email from a friend". You see where these clowns heads are at now. They see themselves as "warriors". Playing a real-life video game with real-live guns. Gosh aren't they brave!!
January 23, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
I mean, get a load of this shit - "As old men, when we gather with families at Christmas feasts, we will sit with the old men on the porch and strip our sleeves, show our scars and tell stories about the defining moments in our lives: Combat."

My fucking hero. Does it get any more stupid than this? Hey you wanna see my scar?
January 23, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
Only if it isn't on your nuts!
January 23, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterUncle B

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
All HTML will be escaped. Hyperlinks will be created for URLs automatically.