« Having a Riot | Main | Leavings on a Jet Plane »

I mean really...Does Anybody Give a Bugger?

animatedgif5.gif Tuesday November 9
Paris, not bloody Texas

I gotta tell you...I'm narky. I've been building this Blog for three months now. A fair bit of work has gone into it. Especially in some of the short stories. And you know what? In those few months I could probably count on two hands the comments I've got. I know you come visiting. I track you. I see you walking up the drive long before you see the curtain move. I know you're out their Dude. Sometimes I can even smell you. But all you do is have a look around. You don't utter a word. Maybe you come to see if I've cracked yet. Or maybe you just wanna light the dogpoo in the newspaper, ring the bell and run away while I'm stamping on the fire. I dunno. So maybe I'm gonna burn this bitch down. It's a lot of work. Nobody seems to give a bugger...so why should I? I've shared my crap life. I've had enough. I think I might go trout-fishing in the Red Sea or some-bloody-thing. I'm blogged out. Although I must admit I had a whole bunch of rubberneckers from Stumbleupon come visiting last night - nearly 2000 of the bastards - which created a little bit of excitement. It's gonna take me weeks to get the front lawn right again. And do you think any of these gatecrashers would say "Hey Man...love your blog". Well one did...and that almost made it all worthwhile. Check out what she said if you're inclined. Something about she thought I had really nice hair. That's when I knew she was loaded. Anyway 2000 Stumbleuponers stumbled in...55% of the fuckers who bothered to review it said they liked my blog and the others were Morons who can't read and write so I can understand why they might have felt a bit intimidated. "What the fuck Man...I thought this was gonna be like a Walmart Unplugged or something...shit! look at that...that's a story. I know a story when I seen one. But hell man...look at the size of that sucker. You want me to READ IT?! What are you crazy? Come on Mary-Lou..we's leaving...this loser here has a blog where you gotta read. Haven't you got any nudie piccies or somethin' man? We's starving. What's in your fridge? Tell you the truth...we read somewhere that it was some kind of kinky French Porn Site you had happening here. Tha's right! Tha's what we heard".
And so they drag their muddy boots through my nice Blog, peering into all the nooks and crannies, looking for their kicks on Route 66. And after they're gone and I'm cleaning up, I'm thinking "That's the very last time I have "Open House". Fuck them and fuck you if you can't take a joke. Good night and be unkind to your Mother. Lambe, Blogged Out.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

EmailEmail Article to Friend

Reader Comments (14)

Hey Paris, I've been going to your blog since you posted the link on radar. I like your blog just never bother commenting sorry. (i never comment on radar either and i go there 20 times a day)
I will remember to comment from now on.
have fun
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBec
Well that's a start. Thanks. Tell me Bec, what do you like here? The stories or the stupid shit? What would you like to see more of? Would you like more Paris stories - where I go, what I do? I'm working on a podcast - I wanna tell people what's happening here - as in how to have a good time. The guide books don't really cover it. But it's friggin' lonely when nobody comments. BTW that Radar blog has lost its sparkle doncha think? Bisou. (I sincerely hope you're a babe :) )Mal.
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterlambe, paris
Your blog definately made me laugh and covered a lot of my own moaning about blogs :-) It's like people come to look at your blog but say nout at all so you are left thinking, 'well do they like it or not?? Do they just come and have a look round out of morbid facination of what a mad person is like??' many more things like that go round in my head lol
Carry on the great blogging. You know what I think though??? It's like voyeurs- those people who sneak around looking at you when you don't know they are there. Blog voyeurs the nosey buggers:-)

November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterEmma
Maate! I think you're being a bit harsh on us innocent readers. We like your blog. I don't check it 20 times a day but I like to have a look - and thats exactly it. You see no one wants to say something in case its not interesting. Its like stage fright except its BLOGFRIGHT!(I always wanted to make up a new word)

And apart from that usually no one is really interested in what the readers think. For example I was devastated to learn just last week (while waiting in the supermarket checkout line) that according to NW magazine my dream uberbabe Uma Thurman actually has cellulite and is therefore nothing more than a normal person and there was NO WAY I could express my disappointment. So its difficult to get used to the idea that the publisher wants to hear what the reader thinks, and nobody wants to look stupid. Do you get my drift?

Anyway how many people do you reckon vist your site each day?
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMikey
Well you see...I edit the comments now. After my charming and sophisticated French wife left some derogatory comments under nom-de-plumes because she had a beef with me. But I think you're wrong. People like to read the comments and it keeps the party happening. Not like hanging in the kitchen all night. How many regular readers now? Over a thousand a week. Yesterday was special - I went over two thousand. We're getting there man...getting there. But like I said - I'm blogged out. I need some R&R. Podcast coming real soon. Watch this space. I like "Blogfright" - can I use it or did you trademark it? :) Mal a.k.a. wally cleaver
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterwally cleaver
OH WALLY. Nice Blog
November 9, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMichael
Surfing this site is like sitting under a Eucalypt tree waiting to be hit on the head by Koala poo. Never happens !!! Maaatteeee .. come back to Aus and liven up. Paris has made you soft.
November 10, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterRobyn
Yeah...almost as lively as ParisLiveRadio...not
November 10, 2005 | Registered CommenterMalcolm Lambe
Hey Mal, just checking out your site again and I like it more now. As much as I ramble, I'm a bit-sized reader (not that I don't like to read longer stuff, but the boss keeps walking by and I have to hide the page and I lose where I was ...) but i do like your style.

Personally, I'm a bit of a blog monogamist - I read a lot, but I limit my commenting to one or two sites. Just easier that way ... but I will be back and possibly will comment more (so long as I don't get flamed again).

In the meantime, Blog because you have something to say - comments are great, but they're not the point.
November 14, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterC LaRue
So you didn't check the Podcast? Makes me wonder if the link works. Thanks for your comment Eesie. But you missed a great opportunity to say "Lambe, you don't know what-the-fuck you're talking about". :D
November 14, 2005 | Registered CommenterMalcolm Lambe
I'd listen to the podcast if I could, but my options are decent browser and dial-up, or basic broadband on a G3 with no audio ...

Lambe, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but you're entertaining, so it's forgiveable.
November 14, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterC LaRue
"Basic broadband on a G3 with no audio"!!You gotta get those guys up to speed. Can't you convince them it would make you more productive? Just saw "A history of violence" - what a load of shit. I've seen better stuff on the T.V. Still ...it got me away from the computer for 2 hours. I'm browsing on Firefox. It's good for "www.stumbleupon.com" - you know it? I'm addicted to it. And Wallyworld is in there too (they don't take just anyone). Joel promised to send me pickies of everyone at the Knees-Up in Chinatown. So far nothing except a report from Fingers. I would have loved to have been there. à bientöt, y'all come back now, bisoux, Mal.
November 15, 2005 | Registered CommenterMalcolm Lambe
Lucky I left before the picture taking (or the raising of said knees ...)

Hey - our old G3 died, and the man is relacing it with - guess what - a 'new' G3. Blast ebay! I also tried convincing them that a spam filter would save me an hour a day deleting 400 offers of viagra - didn't fly.

Enough bitching about work for me today ... I'll check out that site - if I can't see it here, I'll try at home.

Keep up the fancy blog-type stuff, though. And pray for Radar (you can't tell me the links don't help a teeny bit ...)
November 15, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterC LaRue
I'll have a bet with you Chesty - that you become as badly addicted to www.stumbleupon.com as I and that you'll thank me for the tip. It keeps blowing me away.
Not even a spam filter? So no firewall either?
Yeah the links help the www.radar.smh.com.au enormously. If I have one of my (much butchered) stories up with a link on the front page I get hundreds of hits. Otherwise it's just the dozen or so regulars who come over here for a gander. Although the Archives of "Punters" stuff sends me at least a couple of lookers a day. Which is about what I get off www.milliondollarhomepage.com these days - last time I looked he was $560k or something. Be kind to your boogie-boarding, bike-riding lover. And you have a good day, ya hear? p.s. did you see the new "geoloc" map at the bottom of the "Navigation Bar"? Wish I'd had it last week when I had 2000 hits from Stumbleupon. Dying to see it all lit up. à bientöt, Malkie.
November 15, 2005 | Registered CommenterMalcolm Lambe

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
All HTML will be escaped. Hyperlinks will be created for URLs automatically.