Wallyworld

self-portrait (not)Gee...you've clicked on this. You wanna know who the idiot is who's responsible for this sick site. My name is Malcolm Lambe. I'm from a small planet called Orstraya - you've probably never heard of it. My ship washed up in Paris. And that's all I'm going to tell you. The painting I did on the left looks nothing like me.

p.s. the Missus has asked me to point out that this site has nothing whatever to do with another site called www.wallyworld.com which apparently is a hard-core gay site. Not much we can do about it now. Although at one stage I was rather keen on calling this site www.knittingwithyourdogshair.com but then I thought I'd attract all sorts of mutts and things would get rather messy.

Update: here's some shots of me and the kids at Omaha Beach, Normandy - the D-Day Landings site. Very interesting part of France. Don't miss the Museum at Arromanches.

Charlie at 9 months

Paris Hilton had my baby.

My son Charlie (14 months) is wobbley walking on his own. Not talking yet ...apart from mar mar, kwoika kwoika, doo doo- shit like that.  Her indoors reckons his first words will be f%#k, f%#k, f%#k!  because that's what he hears his father saying all the time.  Fascinating, I know. That's him behind the wheel of the Benz and already saying to passing sheilas "la la doo-doo Mmmm kwoik kwoik". Which translated means "Hello Darling...fancy a ride in my motor?"

Talking of motors...look at these two beauties. A '55 (on the right) and a '56 Chevvy. I had a '55 Chevvy with a straight Six in it. Original condition. I sold it to pay the fucking rent and have bitterly regretted it ever since. I had a 1938 Chevrolet Hearse once too. Again, I stupidly swapped it for a piece-of-shit FC Holden. I still miss it. The hearse, I mean.
click to blow up

cheeky CharlieTuesday August 30

Gabrielle d'Estrées and one of her sisters.
moving in Paris-style
horse meat.
fish stall
Alsatian

Yeah..well I called it that to get you to read it. Fraudulent headline really. But if I called it "What I Did On My Holidays"...yawn...yawn. Here's some photos of chateaux. Chenonceau used to belong to Diane de Poitiers, a mistress of King Henri II. Until he died in 1559 in single-handed combat with the Captain of his Scottish guards. His widow, Catherine de Médici took it off poor old Diane and flicked her another chateau at Chaumont-sur-Loire to play in.

The other chateau pic is Azay-le-Rideau. The raspberry-blower had a lovely old time toddling around its parquet floors and climbing the staircase. We also went to Loches and Montresor chateaux and "donjons". Like being transported back hundreds of years. In one Romanesque church in Preuilly-sur-Claise I looked up at the date over the door - "1009" - well before the Norman Invasion of Britain. Meanwhile semi-trailers were rattling down the narrow, medieval, cobble-stoned street outside.

Chenonceau
Chenonceau

click to enlarge